Hello again world I am here again with another informative post. I would say up until this point this post will most likely be the single most important post that I have written yet. For starters this post would not have ever been able to have been written without the help of George A. Romero and the kind people at Capcom for there Resident Evil Series. (Albert. Wesker is a chump just saying.) This by no means is a light hearted post. It is something I take very seriously and if you think it is a joke then you should be advised that the CDC (Center for Disease Control) has already released a zombie survival guide. Even though I do believe the one found on thinkgeek.com is way better. In addition to that K-bar a leading seller in knives has also released a line of knives designed specifically for slaying zombies. Also, I am going to do the entire survival guide in one post. I was going to split it up in a number of them but I figured I should bite the bullet and keep people from having to search my archive for them. Each paragraph will start off with a header describing what that paragraph is about. So with out further delay let us begin
Types of Zombies: By definition a zombie is a creature that is brought back to life by divine or supernatural powers. But a zombie can also be the product of a viral outbreak; without going to in depth I feel the best examples and leads to follow are those of the zombies from and inspired by George A. Romero and Resident Evil. Now both of these are viral outbreaks but before I go further the main difference in the two is really about numbers. Let us just say that once the zombie apocalypse does happen let’s hope that it is viral and not divine. Because if it is divine then all the corpses of the dead world wide have a good chance of rising and still being able to spread where as if it was viral then it will start with an isolated incident and spread from there. Now common mistakes some people don’t take in account is the speed at which zombies move. There is a deluded sense that they will move very slowly. Again this will only happen if it is divine (they only move slow due to riggamortus.) A second factor is that they are presumed to be stupid. Well again taking into account that they either were recently dead or dead for x number of year’s; yes they simply have base desires i.e. to eat and survive. But the longer they are alive they will slowly regain some aspects of there former lives but this guide hopefully will prevent them from being alive for to long. The last point is about there strength and bodies. Now again if it is viral then a certain rage could be found in the zombies or amplified strength etc. if divine I would assume that there more soft and easy to break again they were dead and being eaten on.. But we can go into that shortly. So there you have the need to know info on what a zombie is. Now to teach you how to survive!!
Zombie Survival Kit: The first thing that you need to know about the zombie survival kit is its location. Generally it should never be more then 3mins away from you. Because the last thing you want is for all hell to break loose and you left your gun over your mom’s house---insert face slap smiley--- now NOTE TO STUPID PEOPLE IF YOU DON’T HAVE A WEAPONS PERMIT YOU MAY NOT WANT TO CARRY A GUN ON YOU..OR A REALLY BIG KNIFE; Now with that said there is one thing that you can not fit in your zombie survival kit… and that is creativity. No it may not be a good idea to carry your .45 and katana with you to Wal-Mart but Wal-Mart has plenty of guns and pointy objects so UTILIZE THEM. Ok first is the carrying case itself. My kit is stored in a Swiss army book bag (red and black of course) 1st item I stored in there was my laptop and charger. Once the apocalypse starts the internet will still be around for communication. Plus I have written a program to repeat a distress call. Also lots of porn and movies and music on my laptop; Pretty sure there will be long boring nights when this happens. 2nd item was my Carolina Hurricanes shot glass yes I love hockey and yes I love to drink. Hey believe me when you take out a dozen zombies some Jack sounds real nice. 3rd was a Zippo why a Zippo you say? Well lights may go out and the dark is no place to fight a zombie and have you ever watched man vs wild? Flint goes a long way. 4th was a new living translation of the Bible. This was inspired by the film the book of eli. Apparently people like burning bibles and if a new world gets started then it is probably good to have plus prayer helps…Right? 5th was 2 different pocket knives one is a cutco knife that is about the size of my middle finger and the other is a knife with a blade about the size of my hand. 6th was pen, paper, notebooks and flash drives (a 2 GB and a 4 GB) again used for storage and to recall the good old days. 7th was a deck of cards. This again is used to kill time and get women to play strip poker. 8th was a compass self explanatory. Also there is a 9inch carving knife also cutco this is for the double tap will explain that later. Then I added hygiene products. Just because there is hell on earth don’t mean you have to have bad breath. And lastly I would suggest pics of loved ones. They may be with you or not but love is a very powerful tool and revenge is just as if not stronger. Please don’t confuse this kit with everything you will ever need. It is not designed for that because it would be way too heavy. It is meant to allow you to make it to a safer zone with ease.
Traveling and surviving: With this info so far I figure that if your fearless and remember your creativity you should be able to survive a good month. But we are far from done just yet. So you have your kit and you know that there is a zombie outbreak going on, so what is next? Do you travel in large groups, day and night, go to the mall? 1st rule I would throw out there is that being a hero will most likely get you killed. It looks cool in movies when one person runs in a room and saves one person from 50+ zombies… If you think that it really is fun go get any resident evil game and play it on professional without getting mad. Honestly a good group of 6-12 is good as long as everyone is aware of what is going on and is helping out. A monarchy is not going to work at this point the will to survive should unite people. As for where to go, You should never stay in one place to long i.e. you may need weapons but going to your local gun shop and locking yourself in will suck once hunger kicks in and outside is 300 zombies. So get what you need and go. As for travel an SUV or school bus is ideal, honestly my advice is still a bus board the windows and put a ramming bar on the front. Keep lots of food that does not need to be cooked and stay well rested. Day or night does not really make a difference to me but if on foot daylight is much better because the sun is an awesome compass. Remember it rises in the east and sets in the west. Again the internet and radio will be an excellent source to let you know where free zones are. There will come a point where people manage to take back cities and keep the undead out but that’s another topic. But most likely now is a good time to get a long overdue road trip in. But common sense will prevail in this. Just get used to having to steal. But try not to cross living people, you don’t need more drama then you have to have.
How to kill a Zombie: Ok so you now should be able to survive about 2-3months. Hopefully your wits have kept you from much action. But the time will come when you have to kill one of those creatures. First thing you need to know is the double tap. The best way to kill a zombie is to severe the brain, but don’t leave anything to chance once you hit them in the head either with a blunt object a bullet or a knife hit them twice if it is something without ammo maybe 3 just make sure it stays dead. Melee is my preferred choice but distance does help so if you want to use a gun know your ammo every gun store does not carry unlimited kinds of ammo. I do believe that .22’s are the most common. Now zombies can spread there infection by biting or scratching, so keep yourself protected. Again shorts and camo shirts look cool but body armor etc is a good idea. Again, if you don’t have it takes it. Fire also is a good crowd pleaser I suggest Molotov cocktails quick easy and army proof. Always make sure that you board windows up and WATCH your exits 2 total ways out are more then enough don’t divide your forces to much. And it may sound funny but always wear your seatbelt. Again melee is my favorite but if you are going to go that route have some range and weight. I prefer a hockey stick with a blade on the end of it, great for head tapping.
So all in all this should allow you to stay alive for a good 6 months, it may not sound like a long time at first but its pretty good. Again the keys to prolonging this is very simple double tap always, watch your exits, travel wisely and keep as many lines of communication with the world open as possible. Did I say how important creativity and ingenuity were? Those to along with common sense will make you be able to possibly outlive the entire outbreak. I hope that you all have once again found this helpful and GO MAKE YOUR ZOMBIE KIT!!!!
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